Listening Also Has To Be Learned

Listening does not mean sitting passively, but neither should you try to draw attention to yourself when someone tells you their problems.

Listening is not that easy. It’s not just about turning up your ear and pretending to be attentive and interested. The reality is very different.

Imagine a woman telling her friend that she had a heated discussion with her mother the day before.

The woman is worried, but according to her words, the friend takes the opportunity to share her own, similar experience.

Did she really listen? No, because the friend  used the woman’s worries to get rid of her own experience and thus to draw attention to herself.

She has not listened truly and with interest to her friend.

Failure to listen to others

Perhaps now you have doubts. Do I really know how to listen to someone? At least I was convinced of it, but now I’m not sure anymore. 

Therefore, we will then mention the most important mistakes that are made very often when listening to someone.

We mentioned the first briefly at the beginning. Someone who shares their own experiences or concerns and who draws attention to themselves is not a good listener.

The second case is a bit more drastic, because it changes the subject quickly: your friend tells you about her discussion with her mother and you inquire about her working day yesterday in response.

The third common mistake is to reply to  the concerned person with sentences like “don’t worry”,  “that’s bullshit”, or “it will pass”.

A common mistake is also telling the person what to do, giving them advice or solutions that they may or may not implement.

In all of these cases, the person is not properly listened to, but  the situation is used to speak of himself. 

Avoid the worries of others

This reality can lead us to believe that we are selfish and don’t know how to listen to others because the truth is that we just want to talk about ourselves.

Listening is  a process that requires careful attention,  trying to understand the other person’s concerns and not talking about your own personal experiences or sufferings.

Also, when you tell the other person what to do,  you are pushing your own point of view on them. 

Of course, you can give your opinion on the topic, but you shouldn’t tell the person how to act or talk to anyone because it’s not about you. You want to use it to express your own presence through the other person.

You want to put yourself in the foreground, your own ego comes to light if you are not listening properly to the person you are speaking to.

Even if this is not easy to accept,  you bypass the other person’s worries.

Learn to listen

You now know the most common listening mistakes, but it is important to learn how to behave properly in a conversation.

Note the following keys in order to listen attentively and with interest to your interlocutor:

• Never suggest solutions: As mentioned earlier, giving solutions to others or telling them how to act is not positive.

However, you can ask your interlocutor questions  and invite them to reflect and make their own decisions. It’s the best way to listen honestly to someone.

• Go deeper into the topic: If you are actually listening, ask questions that show your interest so that the person you are speaking to can tell you more about their concerns.

Questions like “What do you think about it?”, “What are you going to do?” are just two small examples to stimulate the flow of thoughts.

• Avoid talking about yourself: Concentrate on your counterpart, on what the person concerned wants to tell you and avoid talking about yourself, unless the other person  asks you directly about a situation you have lived.
• Make the matter important. Even if it seems like something mundane, the person you’re talking to is concerned about it. Therefore, you shouldn’t trivialize the topic. It is an important topic for the person who wants to talk about it.

These simple tips can help you listen honestly and carefully to someone without thinking about yourself.

Listening is not passive behavior, you have to be active and concentrate on the person you are speaking to. Listening has to be learned!